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 November 2002 1776 And Marriage By Rabbi Alvin Kass My Dear Sarah and Lewis: Among the many things you have in common is a fondness for the Broadway musical, "1776," which recounts the beginnings of our nation. The show describes how the colonies, that started out as totally dependent upon the mother country, had reached the point where independence was essential for their further development. In our own lives as well we move from the dependent status of childhood to the independent status of adulthood. However, on your wedding day, you realize that the most exalted status of all is interdependence, the recognition that a husband and wife need one another for love, comfort and strength. You don't give up your own individuality, you learn to balance personal needs against the needs of the other. Each of you has something to bring to this relationship, and each of you has something to take from it. In the process, both of you will gain new perspectives, new approaches, and new understanding. As the father of the groom, I am expected to tell you, Sarah, that you're a fortunate young woman which you are. But I also want to say that we are fortunate that you, Sarah, have come into our midst. You possess a beauty, intelligence, effervescent warmth, grace and charm that are glorious. Furthermore, you are the embodiment of the rabbinic maxim tocha kevora, one whose outer appearance is in perfect blend with her inner character. You combine beauty of countenance with beauty of soul. Lewis, it is with total objectivity that I proclaim your possession of qualities of character and spirit which combine to create an extraordinary person. Your talents as a competent and caring physician are well-established. Every place you've served, including Kings County Hospital, Elmhurst General, Yale-New Haven and now Montefiore Hospital, there are numerous patients and families who bless the day they met you. You've helped them and their children through the most agonizing and anguished experiences of their lives. Baseball's loss is certainly medicine's gain, though it should be noted that the New York Mets never had a more devoted and passionate fan. You are also a singer, a humorist, a poet, a guitarist and trumpeter of note. You are likewise an able communicator with a great deal of your father's ham. Both of you are mature enough to know that there are imponderables and uncertainties in life which can play havoc with even the best laid plans. But contrary to the fatalists, human beings are not completely the plaything of luck and circumstance. A successful marriage is not solely a matter of mazel. Regardless of what life brings our way, we must never allow the ship of matrimony to drift like a rudderless bark among the eddies and crosscurrents of life. In the manner of captains, conscious of their mission, you must take hold of the wheel and steer the vessel in the desired direction. It is our hope and prayer that there may be much calm and very little turmoil for you in the years ahead. But whatever fortune may have in store for you, so long as you keep your minds on your goal and have the strength of will to steer in the desired direction, you cannot fail to reach your destination and to attain those satisfactions which a happy marriage alone is capable of yielding to those bound by its ties of love. We bless you both with health, happiness, and spiritual satisfaction throughout your married life, and we know that you will fulfill all the dreams of your friends and loved ones. |